if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We got so high we made milksteak
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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