Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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