Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
