The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
