i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
