All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
