so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize