so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
