It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize