I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
