dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
