porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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