is your mom at the bar?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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