I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
