Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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