He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
