Need sex. Gaining weight.
you would pick up someone in the library
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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