i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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