it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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