my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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