someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
time to smoke my breakfast
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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