Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize