I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
