i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize