We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
