The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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