I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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