I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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