i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
