She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
