my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
