honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
