At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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