Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
