But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize