just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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