I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize