so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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