U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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