Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
