she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
