lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
