He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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