Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
