Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
