4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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