I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
