yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
