in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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