Sponge bath it is.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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