you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
