I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
