he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
