No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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