Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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