tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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