There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
