question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize