Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
