i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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