so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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