she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
