All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize